9: Don't Kid Yourself

When my first baby was born I had a fear of the pacifier. I thought that if I gave it to him he would continue to want it until he finally succumbed to peer pressure on his first night in a college dormitory. I restricted it's use to bedtime. As an infant he used it whenever he was going to fall asleep. Then it only appeared in his crib.

Unfortunately he never got the hang of retrieving it on his own and getting it back into his mouth. And because I like sleep -- sleep which is not interrupted by getting out of bed every half hour to put the damn thing back into his mouth -- he was quickly weened from the pacifier all together over a single night of wailing. All before he was 18 months old.

I believed that I had some control over his pacifier use. (And maybe I did...as evidenced by the abrupt weening I forced on him.) I believed that if you don't want your child to want a pacifier, you just don't give them one. I believed that if you want your children to eat healthfully, you only give them healthy foods. I believed that if you want your children to only sleep in their own beds, you only put them in their beds and not in yours.

Well, I was kidding myself.

My second little angel is a pacifier hog. He LOVES his "ba". He likes it to sleep with, to wake up with, to drive in the car with, to hang around the house with. "I need my BAAAA!" he yells. Fortunately at 2-and-a-half he seems to be self-weening. He doesn't ask for it as often and can happily play for hours, ba-free. But it's still there...way past the point I am comfortable with.

Healthy meals is another area we have little control over. Introduce your child to french fries once and they become the preferred vegetable. And when your toddler wakes up in the middle of the night do you want to struggle for hours trying to get them back to sleep in their own beds, or will you give in to your own need to sleep and let them in your bed for the night?

I would like to now publicly apologize to every mother I quietly judged for giving her child chicken nuggets for dinner more often then not (or in our house, "macaroni and meatballs"). I'm sorry to the parents I judged for letting their 4 year old sleep in bed with them. And to the parents I shook my head at when I saw their preschooler walking around with a pacifier. I have become a parent. The one thing I do know now is that I know absolutely nothing.

8: Daylight Saving Time

Did you survive pushing the clocks forward?

You wouldn't think that one measly hour would make all that big a difference in a life. One hour on one day. But let me start at the beginning...

The boys went to bed on Saturday night at their regular time, 7 PM. I was tired so I went to bed an hour earlier then usual. Then the boys slept a little late on Sunday. So with going to bed early and them sleeping in, I got some real.good.sleep. This time change thing is a piece of cake! I thought we lost an hour? How did I gain sleep??

Sleeping in was a mistake. Our whole day shifted...everything was late and then the sun was streaming in the windows when it was time to make dinner so I didn't even feel hungry never mind in the mood to prepare food. We eat in the dark, dang it!

Sunday night bedtime was a little rough. I was on high-anxiety because my 4-year-old had to get up for school the next day. Understandably, it just didn't feel like bedtime -- just like it didn't feel like breakfast time or nap time or dinner time -- so it took the boys longer to fall asleep. But we did it! We all fell asleep! And, seriously, with a toddler, that can be the accomplishment.

But here is where it really fell apart. My 6:40 AM alarm is set on my phone. My phone showed the correct, new time. BUT apparently there is a SECOND clock on the phone that runs the alarm. AND THAT CLOCK DIDN'T CHANGE. Wait, what? How can that be? So at 7:20 AM I woke up on my own, leaped out of bed, changed my clothes in an instant, and went into the boys room. Have you ever woken up a sound-asleep 4 year old? They don't care for it. I got him to semi-consciousness and then had to lift him up out of the bed and carry him into the kitchen to be dressed-while-crying and force-fed breakfast. Good morning sunshine! Happy Monday to yoooou!

He made it onto the bus, which was early just to annoy us further.

And if anyone knows how to change the alarm-clock-clock on my LG phone, please share.

7: Gratitude

 Up until now this blog has been a bit negative. I don't want it to be that way but I'm using this forum to get from feeling complete yuck to feeling joy again.

So ya'll have to suffer a bit with me and then, hopefully, at the end or maybe the middle we'll get to enjoy the mental-state equivalent of an ice cream sundae.

There is one life story that I have running in my head and it's the tragedy...the messed up relationships I had before I was married, the messy relationship I have with my husband, how hard motherhood is, how loosing a job and a house sucks, how moving back home has felt like being dragged back by the undertow of my history. (Moving back home is just bizarre. I'm sure there's a future blog post there.)

But I also have another story. This one starts with being born into a really wonderful family. My parents and my brother (my only sibling) are supportive, encouraging and funny. I can't say I never wanted for anything but I certainly never needed anything. I got a decent education (could have been better if I had only applied myself...or so I was told time and time again). I've always had friends (not a ton but always enough). I have been a good employee and a great friend...at times. I fulfilled a life dream and traveled to Ireland and France. And my greatest achievement by far are birthing two beautiful, healthy little boys. And that's just the highlight reel.

I think I need to replay the good skits more often and edit out out the blooper reel.

Do you have negative thoughts on your mind often? How do you tell them to shut it?

6: Survival

One of my two boys wakes up in the middle of the night just about every night. It's either a lost "ba" (pacifier), a misplaced favorite stuffed animal, blankets askew or just a desire to start the new day at 4 AM (ya, um, no.) Once 6:30 AM hits though I have to actually arise with one or both of them. And it all starts at once: milk cups poured, wet diaper changed, breakfast served, THAT'S MIIINNNEEE!, an attempt at making coffee, etc. All this with my eyes half closed, the sun barely up in the sky.

This continues through the long, long day.

At precisely 7 PM we begin our bedtime routine: pajamas are changed into, teeth are brushed, books are selected and read, lights out, "night-nights" and "I love yous" all around, the end.

Are you laughing? Ya, it never happens like that. A friend recently said bedtime was like herding cats. Getting them both (or even a single child, I imagine, and I refuse to imagine more then two) in the same place at the same time is nearly impossible. Getting them to follow through with a task without whining or getting side-tracked is impossible. Getting them to sit still through story time is often impossible. Getting the 4 year old to actually stay in his bed once the door is shut is hopeless.

I then have a couple of hours to quell my nervous ticks. I would love to use this time to partake in a hobby or read a book but I am far too tired. A movie sounds nice but how long is it? Ah, the mindless world of the internet it is! At precisely 10 PM I am sound asleep.

Repeat.

So how do you survive everyday? How do you go through this parenting bit joyfully?

5: Slowing It Down

I have a nasty habit of wishing my kids childhoods away. Wanting this phase or that behavior to pass so I don't have to endure it any longer. Sleeping through the night, potty training, tantrums, etc...if they were only just a little bit older then everything will be OK. There is plenty to love about them right now but sometimes the bad stuff is what overwhelms my outlook. I've been making a conscience effort to focus on the positive little-boy-isms and realize that the yuck comes with the awesome.

Some things I'll miss when my kids get older:

1. Stripped footie pajamas. The cutest kids-wear ever invented.
2. The residual scent of baby shampoo in their hair.
3. Lisps (well, hopefully they'll grow out of these!)
4. Hugs and kisses and "I love yous"
5. Wanting to be in the same room with me rather then off in their shut-door bedroom with their headphones on listening to music I hate while playing some game on their iPod that I don't understand.  

What will you miss when your kids get bigger? What do you treasure about them right now?

4: Food!

One of my favorite subjects! I had a couple of friends over this weekend and that is always the perfect excuse to make Texas Caviar. It is sooooooo good.

Texas Caviar

1 can black eyed peas
1 can white corn
1 can black beans
1 medium red onion chopped
1 cup celery chopped
1 small can jalapeño peppers, chopped (opt)
1 cup olive oil
3/4 cup sugar
1/2 cup of apple cider vinegar

Combine peas, beans, corn, celery, onion and peppers and rinse thoroughly. Set aside. In a pan cook olive oil, sugar and vinegar on low heat until the sugar is dissolved. Combine all ingredients and refrigerate overnight. Strain liquid and serve with nacho chips, crackers, etc.

(I have no idea where this recipe originated so if I'm stealing it I do truly apologize. Just send me a cease and desist letter and I'll take the post down tout de suite.)

3: Just The Facts

Well, if you are reading this post you are either 1. a member of my family or a friend, 2. a curious follower of my other blogs or, 3. reading this in the future when this blog becomes HUGE and all my loyal fans go back and read every post I have ever written. (That'll happen, right?)

I figured I would take this time, while we are still getting to know each other, to share some facts about me...

I am a stay-at-home mom to two boys, ages 4 and 2. They are the cutest, funniest, smartest kids I know. You'll have to just trust me on this as I'm not too clear yet on just how much I want to share about the details of their life.

I am separated from my husband which has been the most difficult thing I've ever had to endure. Yes, worse then childbirth. The details of why it has been so hard are, right now, between me and my therapist but maybe someday I can get enough distance from the hurt, anger, and grief to discuss it a bit. Again, not sure how much I want to share about the details of our life.

Whew, those are the big ones. Here are some other "fun facts"...

I am a former web designer, a fan of the Boston Red Sox, a lover of summer. I dislike waking up in the morning (especially before the sun), pretensions, and waiting. I love coffee, brownie sundaes, and my Kindle.

Now who are you?

2: I Quit

A whole two posts in and I'm wondering why I bothered starting a blog. This article by J J Keith, My Advise to New Moms: Anything But Babywise, 100% covers everything I could ever say about motherhood thus far. My boys are still young enough that I remember my pregnancies, their births and their infancy pretty clearly. Old enough, fortunately, that I'm not actually living through those phases. I wouldn't say that I disliked any of these things, I'm just not unhappy that they're over. There are millions of decisions we make in pregnancy through toddlerhood:  eat this, not that!, breastfeeding vs formula, homemade vs jarred, cloth diapering, co-sleeping, crying-it-out, and on and on. I'm really happy to have finally read such an emphatic essay on letting go of the bullshit and just being. Babyhood is hard on parents and it's about time that we give each other, and ourselves, a break on the details.

1: First

Naming a blog is very difficult. Not because I can't come up with a hundred generic "mommy blog" names but because they're all taken. (Mommy blogs are very popular in case you haven't heard.) Take the word "mom" and add any descriptive or non-descriptive word along side it and Blogger will say "name already taken". And the same is true with every derivation of "mom" as well...mama, mother, mommy, sleepy, screamy, cook, etc.

So, here it is. Here's my blog.